Upon obtaining a White Robe, I've become that person who spends all morning hours in said White Robe. #whiterobe #wheredidmyotherfootgo
Would be a real shame if these nacho sweet potatoes rolled right in and fucked up your St. PaTTY'S DAY INSTAGRAM FEED AND YEA U BET THOSE ARE CRISPED-UP SKINS ON TOP 🌋 from The Austin Cookbook by @paula_forbes for #abramsdinnerparty so this is an #ad
When u color coordinate with the new furniture three times in one week, u must take a photo in it with your team mannequin head or else bad luck for 59 years
In honor of #InternationalWomensDay, here are the two most important women in my life becoming sexually liberated by reading @cosmopolitan articles on pegging and threesomes aloud at a bridal shower. You're gonna want to turn your sound on AF for this. 🌼 thank u @marrraly20 for capturing this beautiful moment
The reason I love food is because it tells a story. It speaks of the hand that feeds it and to the mouth that eats it. I spoke to 17 people about the food that means "love" to them, from first-day-of-school box brownies to canned Spam, for @manrepeller. Link in bio. 🧀 Thank you to everyone who spilled their heart food to me!!
Found just the cure for your Sunday scaries in my Aunt Sue’s freezer
RIP to all the wedding bathroom selfies we never take 🎻
Hey — I wrote these things, too!
Every Thought Catalog Advice Piece, as Written by Your Dad
The Things You Realize While Watching ‘The Titanic’ as an Adult