The Shoppy Awards In Review
The silence on social media was deafening THIS MORNING as the first Sunday without any award shows to Live-tweet.
I awoke, fingers twitching, to get a glimpse on Instagram of Lupita Nyong'o's pre-show glam routine only to be greeted by this picture of Lady Gaga looking like a drenched and miserable Courtney Love instead.
Twitter was bleak and our refrigerator was empty, so I decided to head to the supermarket before the exodus of senior citizens who clogged the canned foods aisle to debate the price of sauerkraut arrived by the busload.
As I layered up to survive sub-zero Lean Cuisine climates when foraging frozen lunches for my mom, I thought,
"Why not report live as ShopRite's first red carpet correspondent?"
I mean, not to brag, but I'm *kind of a big deal* around the 'Rite. The produce manager is a total fanboy and greets me by name.
Thus, bestowed with the power of a Price Plus Card, I took on the red aisle of The Shoppy Awards 2015.
CAN YOU FEEL THE PULSATION OF SUCH HOLLYWOOD GLAMOUR?
The parking lot was buzzing with appearances this guy and some lady who lost her cart collateral quarter to the bottom of her purse.
Press junkets had been set up for the arrival of Nicki Minaj.
And my rider was honored, as that of any respected journalist should be.
Our first esteemed guest was Jean Potters, the gentle Ambassador of Produce (and family friend), setting a high style standard in flared jeans and burgundy mules.
And things began to turnip as everyone else and their mother arrived fashionably late to stock up on noms for the hottest snow storm of the season (read: March)
Layered sweatshirts and two-toned sports hats emerged as frontrunners in menswear,
As modeled by this heartthrob taking shots of decaf at the beverage lounge.
Tastemakers in microwave fashion risked freezer burn to go avant-garde.
And guests enjoyed fine refreshments from ShopRite's luxury vendors.
Although he could not be physically in attendance, baking soda advocate O.T. Genesis' presence was certainly felt.
With only one minor faux pas to damper the afternoon's otherwise *flawless* events.
It was truly an honor to witness my title illuminated in cardboard.
I spent the afternoon accordingly, digesting my first hosting experience with deep, potato-encrusted reflections of the sole.
I am pleased to announce that i am set to return to talk contract negotiations for the 2016 Shoppy Awards next Sunday*
*Or whenever my father's stock of nacho chips has been depleted.