To Thine Own Self, Be Authentico
Have you ever looked at an old photo of yourself and thought,
"What in Lorde's name was I thinking?"
Of course you have.
Otherwise we'd all still have cornrow braids in our hair from a family vacation to Mexico.
So last week, I wrote that post on how to 'Get Like' Ina Garten through home decorating advice and tips on entertaining.
It was fun to research and analyze the life and habits of Her Majesty of Barefootedness, but after hours of assembling the post, a casual spewing of inspiration turned into a pain in my rear-end.
As a proponent of self-reflection and deprecation decided to take a look back at my own post and its process to figure out what I went wrong. Autopsy results conclude that my post died a slow and painful death due to a deficit in authenticity.
I don't really care about taking a selfie with Taylor Swift.
It's not like I'm one of the ~haters~ gripping on her back like a mechanical bull as she tries to *Shake It Off*.
She's chill. Her new album was actually a lot more pleasurable to listen to than I had expected, and I respectfully tip my hat to anyone who has the power of inviting Beyonce and Jay-Z over for quiche at free will. But why did I spend any time at all pretending to be enthusiastic about some mainstream ideal outcome that barely speaks to me, even when processed through a perfectly saturated filter?
SECOND, buying white bakeware for an amateur kitchen is moronic.
It doesn't matter if it starts out as a blank slate that matches the hideous wallpaper from the eighties permanently fixed to the walls of your cheap-ass apartment. After one cake gone wrong (which will probably be the first one you attempt) it will either be stained, burnt, or shattered into pieces on the floor depending on what point in the recipe you got distracted updating your Snapstory.
THIRD, the thing looks like a Pinterest board. And for the record:
I HATE PINTEREST AND EVERYTHING that IT STANDS FOR.
In starting up this blog/flog I tried to get into it as a tool to spread the fruits of my unemployed labor, but I still felt the familiar urge to ram my head into a wall as I scrolled through millions of senseless Pins, like this birth announcement and inspirational quote:
Did the parents of that newborn ever bat an eyelash while planning this birth announcement at the possibility of splintering his bare bottom, or apple box collapsing due to uneven weight distribution?
And if you want to inspire me with the words of a literary genius, take a sec to spellcheck the dude's LAST NAME before searing it onto an over-exposed iPhone photo taken from the garden of grandma's assisted living apartment complex.
I look at this and think,
Why waste time re-Pinning 50 identical statement necklaces from the 'Popular' page on your own board rather than taking that time and effort to state something
original and genuine to your character?
...But that's exactly what I did.
My post was essentially a long-form Pinterest board with specs of personal insight dusted in, and the last time I checked, this is my horse and pony show-- not Ina Garten National Park.
In fact, I actually scrapped a list of original entertaining tips for twenty-nothings that I collected in my brain satchel from attending horrendous "house parties" while editing my draft. That's the thing I should have kept as to spark a new discussion rather than merely recycling Ina's existing tips.
So am I ashamed of my basic post on the Barefoot Contessa?
Nope. Not really.
Fortunately, only three people read this blog (two of which are contractually obligated to my well-being as guardians). Also, if Joan Rivers taught me one thing, it's to never apologize.
I will take this mistake and continue forward, writing things that come naturally, without a Taylor Swift selfie in sight, like that original guide on entertaining or the the first Testament in my Bible of Bed Chocolate. They will take me no longer than one cup of coffee to conceptualize and two Advil to complete because they come from a place of genuine experience and full-frontal honesty.
In the short term, I will delete the Pinterest app from my phone after I finish up this post and wash off the clay mask cemented to my face. I will only reinstall it if an infograph comes available that can teach me how to repair my retainer-turned-dog treat in five steps (or less!).
I may be the only person to ever utter this phrase, but I think Gavin DeGraw summed up best what I'm trying to say in his one song that rolled with the credits of your favorite 90's high school drama.
"I'm tired of looking 'roun' rooms tryna figure out what I'm s'posed to do,
or who I'm s'posta be.
I don't wanna be anything other than me."
Namaste, dweebs & let's vow to keep it *one hunnid*.
ANALYZE & DISCUSS:
At what point in Mexican history were cornrows of cultural significance?
What search terms do I use on Pinterest to find a head ram-proof top knot bun?
Could poor grammar have been the detriment in Gavin DeGraw's ultimate success?