I Can't Unsee This Clip of Ina Garten

So I was minding my business over the long weekend, making this Roasted Eggplant Salad with Cucumber-Yogurt Sauce, Tomatoes, and Kale from Food52 when I decided to play an early episode of The Barefoot Contessa in the background while I gathered my ingredients. I happened to choose “Elegant and Easy," the third episode of BFC Season 1 in which Ina, my sex icon, prepares a filet of beef with gorgonzola sauce and a strawberry country cake for her dinner party inside this totally not murderous-looking home:

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The beginning of the episode is great. Ina warms up with a caviar dip topped with salmon roe before she quickly transitions into one of her flashy convertible sequences that transports her to a delightful farmer's market:

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She starts making her cake when she returns home and reveals her secret healthy alternative to french fries (they’re baked potato wedges!). Later, she breaks down the difference between good gorgonzola and “not great, but it’s fine” gorgonzola.

At this point, Ina is all revved up on her citrus zests. She's raring to get her fillet to medium-rare, but at the same time, she recognizes that she needs to get her head in the game before her posh Hamptons friends arrive. "I have a minute to rest before everyone gets here," she says as the sounds of synths swell around her kitchen island. The soundtrack compels her to exit the kitchen and turn on her high lamp:

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And just like that, not even a minute later, we find Ina in a candlelit bath with her favorite book, which has to be Eat, Pray, Love or Dante's Inferno:

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Even her red toesies get their own beauty shot:

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Her face does too, which that Ina Garten is so magnificent that she can retain plot information by reading a book with her eyes closed:

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I might have lost a knuckle to my chef's knife when this dream sequence first played out my screen, but it finally settled into my psyche after I watched it for a 40th time and lost enough blood to the point where I felt woozy. Recalling all of the ~elegant and easy~ dinner parties I hosted in the past that were preceded with a river of tears over homemade bread that resulted in bricks, I completely understood Ina's urge to jump into a bubbly void with a full face of makeup and a meaningless novel just to have five seconds to breathe. I don't take baths, so if any of my future dinner guests find me locked in my bathroom blankly staring at a copy of the dictionary with my forearms drifting in the sink, never fear: I'm just channeling my queen. 


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Analyze & Discuss:

Which shade of lipstick do you wear when you take a minute-long candlelit bath?