When it boils down to the #facts, I am decent home cook with a knack for making things look good for the 'gram even if they taste ho-hum-disgusting. Take the stir-fry pictured on this page for instance: it posed well for a photo with all its sesame seeds scattered on top like confetti, but when I finally ate it, I learned that the steak was rubbery because I didn't heat the skillet high enough before I started cooking. Turns out that boiled meat is not something of splendor.
We plant our dreams like seeds in hopes that they might someday peek through the ground to greet us with their nectar. Unless you water them daily, there's no guarantee that they will ever see the light of day. I still may not be Mario Batali and I refuse to buy orange Crocs, but I'll be damned if I ever stop scorching my skillet to triumph over the things I want to be able to cook. The goal is to be able to make one of those fire onion volcanos with just a match and dehydrated onion powder. This hasn't happened yet, but in the meantime, I stand here on my blog to present you with these seven recipes that ended in disappointment, single tears, and/or empty stomachs. Try them out yourselves and let me know if they work out for you better than they did for me. If I'm not in the kitchen testing them again, you can find me staring out the window, imagining the delights that might have been had I succumbed to wearing gardening shoes that resemble my pores on a hot day.
#RIP to these 7 recipes
This Hummus :(
I had high hopes for this recipe, but it turned out really grainy instead of being silky smooth. I think it was because...
This 'Quick and Easy' Homemade Tahini Was Meh :(
Maybe I didn't blend it enough. Maybe I needed to open up to it more.
This Pita Bread :(
This pita bread fell flat and almost chipped my tooth by the time we ate it. Baking isn't my forte.
Mississippi Roast >_<
Oh dear. This turned out so dry, probably because it was left in the slow cooker two hours more than it was supposed to stay in there because I left my parents in charge of taking it out.
This Gazpacho :\
I just didn't really like this gazpacho at all. Something about the flavor wasn't right. Maybe I just don't like gazpacho???
Crispy-Outside Creamy-Inside Garlic Herb Potatoes...
Hahahaahahaha these were supposed to be a side on Christmas Day hahahah I totally messed them up. They completely disintegrated in the pan and I may or may not have cried.
Garlic :( Knots ):
Did I mention that baking isn't my strong suit? Did I mention I messed these up on Christmas Eve?
Analyze & Discuss:
What's the last thing you cooked that turned out worse than a Peep cooked in the microwave?
From our deranged family to yours.
TBH, so am I.
Get you some easy risotto that knows how to treat you right.
It speaks to me on a spiritual level.
Vinegar flipped the switch on everything I thought I knew about eggs.
Dad didn't choke on any mojitos.
Friends don't let friends eat a bag of chips and guacamole for dinner.
Chef Marcus Samuelsson knows a thing or two about how to be crazy good at what you do.
My mom advocates for a pool of 50+ Bachelorette contestants and 'Will You Accept This Rosé' wine.
These recipes disappointed me more that any date I ever brought to high school prom.