I Just Want to Say That This App Was My Idea First Before it Becomes a Thing

The closest I ever got to becoming an app developer was in middle school when I taught myself basic HTML in order to customize the layouts of my MySpace and Xanga pages. I know that <p> breaks a paragraph in text and that <body> will make a shirtless image of Usher appear, but that's about as much as I can recall at the present moment.

I regret trading my extracurricular education in coding for a social life when I have a genius idea for an app, but I regret it even more when that genius idea for an app becomes a tangible genius app that earns someone a fifth home in Tahiti. For their dog.

"That could be me!" I think to myself. "My Bichon would love to visit the French Polynesia. She is of French descent despite being born in Quakertown, Pennsylvania."

I say all this because I think my brain is the keeper of The Next Big Thing. Hear me out: According to Bloomberg, we will soon be able to book appointments with businesses on Instagram. This development was not my idea, but, riffing off the idea of micro e-commerce, why hasn't someone created an app or an Instagram extension that allows you to insert recipe data into a photo of food that shows other users what went into the dish? What if you could shop for those ingredients with a food delivery service in a way that's similar to Like to Know It, which allows users to shop the wardrobes of their favorite ~influencers~ via screenshot?

Actual recipe for Smashed Cucumbers and Radishes in Yogurt Sauce here.

Actual recipe for Smashed Cucumbers and Radishes in Yogurt Sauce here.

Food52 comes close to this idea with their (Not)Recipes app, which is essentially a food-exclusive Instagram platform that doubles as an itty-bitty food blog. The downside to this app is that you have to download yet another app and establish a new social media presence among another community, which is still growing. To this, I say, "Eeeeeehhhhhhh," and go back to Instagram.

Though Food52 will likely beat me at realizing my vision, Lily and I will be waiting with tickets to Tahiti and a suitcase packed with precisely two bikinis (one dog, one human) if anyone wants to go into business before my ship sails in someone else's lagoon.


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Alternatively, would anyone help me develop:

  1. A commuter briefcase that has an insulated compartment for lunch/snacks?
  2. Workout apparel that turns sweat stains into glitter?
  3. Nail polish made with acne medication that reverses damage from face-picking?
  4. A SHOWER DISCO BALL??