My Dad Is a Certified Swiftie

My Dad Is a Certified Swiftie

Previously, my dad has been quoted to say that reigning white woman of power, Taylor Swift, will die by the age of 35 due to her magnitude as a recording artist. He said of our generation’s purported Janis Joplin, “People with that much influence in pop culture are only meant to have a short period of greatness on earth before they die young.”

Now that he’s seen her Apple Music "TAYLOR vs. TREADMILL" commercial, he is more convinced than ever that his conspiracy is valid.


Sunrise. Mia and Steve coincidentally both wear red and blue flannel, but neither acknowledges the situation — it’s too early, and he is colorblind. Elvis Duran and the Morning Show supplements conversation. Broadcaster Danielle Monaro runs through her celebrity news report, describes the Apple Music commercial where Taylor Swift runs on a treadmill while rapping to Drake before she falls on her face.

Steve erupts in laughter.

Steve: Did you SEE that commercial?

Mia: Yes, dad.

His laughter peters out, but the remnant joy affects the tone of his voice.

Steve: You know, say what you want about Taylor Swift, but that girl knows how to make fun of herself. You don’t see that kind of sensibility in pop stars these days.

Mia: Well—

Steve: I think the media gets down too hard on her sometimes. They get mad when she helps one person but not another. She’s not entirely made of money, you know.

Steve: Plus, it’s not like she’s ever done anything wrong.

Mia: She’s definitely not the worst person ever, but I think she just needs to be a little more careful about the things she says, or else backlash is expected. She’s still young, though.

Steve: Her only problem is she can’t keep a boyfriend!!

Mia: —Hey, did you see that fitness apparel video that Beyoncé put out in the same week that was nearly identical, but 11 times better?

Steve: (Blows nose) Bleh. I don’t care much for Beyoncé. 

Mia: (Sigh) I know, dad. I know.

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