Christmas Eve: The Feast of the Twelve Fiddle Faddle Boxes

I never knew the joys of Fiddle Faddle until I had dinner with my mom and Aunt Sue, her best friend of three-and-a-half centuries, at the Jefferson Diner. It was a pre-election meal. Mom ordered “A Taste of Greece,” which is a mélange of every Greek item on the menu that contains feta cheese and not surprisingly is Guy Fieri’s favorite dish. Aunt Sue aggressively ordered a hamburger with french fries because it was "just one of those weeks." We caught up on personal affairs and somehow Cracker Jacks entered the discussion, at which point my mom asserted, “I like Cracker Jacks, but I like Fiddle Faddle even more."

I don’t need to remind you of what took place during that scene in When Harry Met Sally, so just replace Katz's Delicatessen with a kitschy diner, Harry with me, Sally with my mom and Aunt Sue, and turn the volume up as high as your mental television allows. Case in point, the memory of Fiddle Faddle made the two maternal figures in my life see the face of Jesus, which is why I surprised them with a dozen boxes of it on the eve of his birth.

We opened a box of Fiddle Faddle during lunch on the day after Christmas. When I asked my mom if it tasted the same as she remembered it did, she said, “Yes, especially when you get to the end,” as she shoveled a whole handful of the caramel popcorn into her mouth. My dad’s observation was that “Cracker Jacks are browner" than Fiddle Faddle. Add this line to his collection of poignant philosophy from this year.

The menu for our annual Chrismukkah Eve Feast of the Seven Fishes with Aunt Sue’s family included potato latkes for Brian, Aunt Sue’s daughter’s husband who is Jewish, Broiled Mussels with Garlicky Butter Sauce, Baltimore Crab Cakes, Homemade Fettuccine Pasta with Anchovies and Pignoli Nuts, and Lidia Bastianich’s Sweet and Sour Sole. The appetizer course began at 6:30 p.m. and we collapsed in our dessert plates at 11:48 p.m. I don’t even have photos of the fish course because wine and frying calamari got the best of me.

Below are a few of the photos that I do have from the evening. You can buy Fiddle Faddle in bulk from the Dollar Tree if you feel some type of way about it, too. Please enjoy our family's annual newsletter, here, if you haven't received it already.

Update — Dec. 26 2016, 4:49 p.m. ET (2 minutes after publishing)

My mom was upset because I didn't include our full menu. HERE IT IS, MOM.

COCKTAIL: Mom's "Bacardi Razz and Cranberry Holiday Christmas Drink" that she learned how to make during our trip to Puerto Rico when I was in middle school

APPETIZERS, ROUND 1: Potato Latkes, Aunt Sue's Crap Dip, Mozzarella and Red Pepper Salad

APPETIZERS,  ROUND 2: Fried Calamari, Mussels with Garlicky Butter, Clams on the Half Shell

PASTA: Homemade Fettucine with Pignoli Nuts and Anchovy Sauce, Giada's Italian Caesar Salad, Garlic Knots that I Fucked Up :(

MAIN COURSE: Lidia Bastianich's Sweet and Sour Sole, Stuffed Calamari, Baltimore Crab Cakes

DESSERT: Giada's Berry Panna Cotta, Jennifer's Chocolate Oreo Mousse Cake, Aunt Sue's Apple Pie, Cookies, Sweat


🤔 Analyze & Discuss 🤔

Are Cracker Jacks browner than Fiddle Faddle or is Fiddle Faddle just Vitamin D-deficient?