Creeping on an iMessage Conversation Changed My Perspective on Fate
I never realized how scary the concept of longterm commitment was to me until I crept on one girl's iMessage chat with a friend over her shoulder while aboard a standing-room only train. I swear I didn't mean to—I was just bored and was using her Kindle book with shitty dialogue about wine, yoga, and a character named 'Medora' as temporary entertainment until I found a seat. It just so happened that she and her pal were engaging in the classic twenty-nothing discourse about the existential crisis of a career.
"I don't know," said her friend. (Let's call her Shmedora). "There are some high days where I really love what I do, but then others I have these really low lows where I feel like I need out of this place ASAP."
"But you're doing so well!" texted my train BFF from what appeared to be a very comfortable seat.
"Yeah I'm hitting my targets, but I know that I can do better," replied Shmedora.
"I know you can too, so just fucking kill it!!!!!" Kindle princess typed back with all of the inspirational punctuation she could muster,
Ellipses bubbles surfaced, followed by Shmedora's unmoved response. "I don't know. Maybe I'll just stick it out another year."
"Another year??" I thought, possibly out loud. "She'd vocally commit herself to mediocrity for another 365 days!?"
And then I considered my own occupational situation that fell upon me five months ago without any actual planning. I felt a wave of vicarious trepidation question my ideal life path, wondering if my place of work is the "right" place in which I should be investing my energy. I was unsure of whether I would be proud of myself if I were in my same position 12 months into the future, recalling the begrudged faces of my parent's generation who got "got stuck" in a job that they never would have signed up for if they were given a choice.
But then I turned the timeline in reverse and remembered where I was a year ago. I was still "employed" as a waitress with a hundred cover letters and two feet far from any "doors" into the media industry. All I had was a kitchen, a pen, and a domain name, coupled with a lot of free time. I was immensely unsure, but instinct told me to stick to what I knew, which was writing and making a fool out of myself.
These two "skills" led me to an actual title, and continue to propel me forward.
Though a year seems like eternity to someone just shy of two decades old, I offer myself and Shmedora a suggestion. Let's commit to facing a year in the unknown with the attitude of this guy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Make uncertainty the driving force that makes 'sticking to what you know' and 'faking it till you make it' an everyday routine. I'm no expert, but it seems that our stories have a way of finding us through fate and/or moderate stalking.
Analyze & Discuss:
Am I going to hell?