I Am Still Young, Therefore I Still Know Nothing

It’s been a year since I erected this little corner of the Internet (hehe) so let’s take a moment to reflect as I sit on my bed waiting for my basic chicken to finish tanning in the oven. Here's some music to milk the nostalgia:

365 days later I’m still a Lifestyle Amateur living at home making multitudinous mistakes, and churning my proverbial pasta maker towards creating something decent with all of the force that I can muster. This will be my 83rd post, inclusive of 23 recipes, 10 episodes of ‘Make It Snappy’, 8 fiction pieces, 5(ish) podcasts, 2 experiments, and one very telling family newsletter. Highlights of this year involve putting my iPhone in the washing machine, quitting my job, and learning that my dad has very concrete conspiracies about drones and Taylor Swift

Though these numbers are concrete measures of “accomplishment”, I have no idea what they mean in the grand scheme of things. However, I can attest that processing life through a pen and a lens is an invaluable mode of self-improvement. You become aware of the words and vistas that are innate to your being, and feel which ones resonate the most. You recognize dissonance in trying to create things or represent ideas that are not organic to your “self”. This is how you chip away to find your voice.

This is the time in life where one can write off being a little selfish as first dates with their adult self. If Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 Hour theory of practice towards mastery in any given subject is true, these hours should be devoted to a cycle of exploration and self-analysis. We should put down our iPhones and get our hands dirty learning how to make homemade spaghetti the old fashioned way, without the use of a Kitchenaid. We should break bread (and butter) with those who we value instead of eating on top of our laptops. We should reconcile with our inner demons from the past while canoodling with a body pillow who will always give us the time and attention that we deserve. 

It’s been fun to watch this space grow like a little bonsai tree despite killing a rosemary plant in the process. I’m grateful for those who read and share my brain nuggets. You feed my soul, and I hope to see you soon around my table so that I can feed you just the same.

And now, let's break down the barriers of my self-righteousness to explore 12 TIFU’s (Things I Fucked Up) from a year in flogdom.

1. I was pulled over twice for speeding in the same week. (But never got a ticket!)

2. I was wrongfully issued a parking ticket. (Karma for no. 1)

3. I tried a dating app. It was a disaster.

4. I burned my cutting board with a tea kettle.

A photo posted by Mia Lardiere (@theoliveeye) on

5. I sliced my finger open on my ‘professional’ knife at least ten times

6. I was under the impression that I was smoking a cigar at my cousin’s wedding. It had extinguished 30 seconds into the first puff.

7. I asked if a Phillips head was the right kind of wrench to loosen a bolt(?) on my pasta maker.

8. I stained my mom’s precious stainless steel refrigerator with Greek yogurt track marks at a minimum of 3 times a week.

9. I jokingly asked Luke Wilson if the running shoes he was wearing on the red carpet were as comfortable as they looked. He did not laugh.

10. I published an article in my first week as a celebrity news reporter wherein I referred to Kris Jenner as ‘Kris Kardashian’ (Same difference, amirite?).

11. I took my Invisalign out in the back hallway of a movie premiere afterparty, drool and all, as Olivia Wilde emerged from the bathroom.

12. I proceeded to say hello.

Sincere thank you to my loyal readers. I know you only read everything I write because you don't know how to exit the page, mom.


Analyze & Discuss:

Why is Greek yogurt a more incriminating substance than semen or blood?