Podcast 005: The Waitressing Draft

America: Give me your delinquent youths. Send them in an arc to my home where they will file out two by two (assuming that they can count that high) and be provided with server's aprons upon entry into my waitressing boot camp where they will be taught how to act like a decent human being. They will roll silverware, package leftovers for their customer's dogs, and accommodate every fictional dietary restriction under the sun—all with a smile, of course.

See, it's understandable why our country has consciously uncoupled with the idea of a military draft when there are twenty-nothings like myself who can barely operate a dishwasher without getting hurt. A loaded firearm in my hands would be destructively counterproductive in terms of our national safety. Still, we need to find a way to instill a sense of goddamn decency and assertiveness in millennial Instasnots, which is why I'm here to propose The Waitressing Draft in this episode of my foodcast, The Prep Station

Those who have served in this restaurant position of human indentureship know that it is truly a test of physical strength, memory capacity, and willpower to not stab a customer in the eyes when they tell you that their rack of lamb tastes "like poop". It's a decathlon of character building, and I for one have emerged on the other side with a sense of unshakeable patience, humility, and a knack for balancing more things on a tray than the Cat in the Hat.

Tip well, and salute my café kin even if they harbor less dollar bills in their apron than a stripper stuck with the Sunday morning shift.

Listen to me discuss this idea and share my fondest restaurant memories in the podcast above, including one instance when a nimrod tried to ignite a battery-operated candle on her table with a match (twice).

Catch up on earlier episodes of The Prep Station here, and be sure to subscribe if you like the sound of my voice. I won't tell anyone.

Analyze & Discuss:

Would I look good in camo?