Pistachio Mojito Pesto
My father has had his fair share of vacation snafus.
In Las Vegas I received an early education on the developed female anatomy when he and I mistakenly returned with virgin daiquiris for my sister to the topless pool at Caesar's Palace. Then, he slipped on wet cobblestone in Rome, making a swift, rolling recovery similar in form to that of the braciole that he chose for dinner.
However, his infamous mojito incident in Puerto Rico takes the title for the "Least Sexy Moment in Sexy Steve® History".
After a tiresome day of sunbathing, our family slipped on resort semi-formal over a coat of aloe vera to dine out for my parents' anniversary. The sounds of a mariachi band and the scent of sazon ignited our celebratory senses, prompting my father to order a mojito. My mother most likely ordered Bacardi Razz with lemonade after her life-altering trip to the Bacardi rum factory earlier that week. We toasted our parent's civil-ish union, my sister and I chugging our Cokes to another year of 'for better or for purse'.
We were deciding on appetizers when, suddenly, my father turned red in the face beneath the blistered flesh of his cheeks. His eyes grew wide and he grabbed his throat. Guttural sounds emerged from his mouth.
"Is he choking?," my mother asked. "Hon, are you choking?"
My choking father did not respond.
The Ringo Starr of our hotel's mariachi band lowered his accordion to address the medical emergency at hand.
"Are you okay, sir?" inquired Señor Accordion.
My father stuck his fingers into his mouth as the entire restaurant watched with baited breath. He returned from the depths of the black lagoon fishing out a whole mint leaf from his windpipe.
"Yeah," my dad replied. "I'm fine. Gracias."
"Good," Ringo Estrella smiled bashfully, realigning his sombrero. "I did not know if you were choking or if you were laughing at a funny joke."
With this refreshing Pistachio Mojito Pesto we celebrate air, proper mastication, and the continued life of Steve Lardiere.
Viva la Pesto! Viva la Steve!
Viva Señor Accordion!!
Now let's Make It Snappy in this episode of my Snapchat cooking show.
THEN DO THIS:
Add herbs, garlic, pistachios, lime juice, and salt in a food processor. Blend until smooth.
Add the olive oil in a steady stream until it is a smooth consistency.
HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED:
- 3 cups mint
- 2 cups basil
- 8 garlic cloves
- 1 cup shelled pistachios
- 2 tbsp lime juice
- 1 ½ cup extra-virgin olive oil
- 1 tsp salt
- Pistachios are Steve's preferred nut, but when storebought they can be quite salty. Before going HAM with your salt grinder, taste the pesto after it is well blended and adjust the seasoning to taste.
- Keep your pesto in an airtight container because, unlike my choking father, fresh air will kill your green delight.
- I tossed two cups of pesto with spinach rotini pasta and let it hang in the fridge to create a chilling, minty summer pasta salad. If you choose to do this as well, toss with extra olive oil before serving and feel free to add a sprinkle of Parmigiano Reggiano cheese.
- As a new addition to the Bread & Butter Diet breakfast rotation, I drizzled my poached eggs with the pesto and, oh man. I mean, LOOK.
- According to the sauce connoisseur, my Pistachio Mojito Pesto is "almost perfect", but not quite ready to be marketed as a Sexy® creation.
We shall get there, we shall.
Analyze & Discuss:
What is your least Sexy® vacation snafu?
P.S. Did you know that this grey box below is where you can actually Analyze & Discuss these things?
Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself again.