Mrs. Slane's Arms
The first and only time that I was ever reprimanded in school was by one
Mrs. Debby Slane.
Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar with my childhood, I did not learn how to speak until I turned twenty-one.
However, on this particular day I was feeling particularly rambunctious and decided to throw a rock over the fence. It was the 90's and my mom was not yet made aware of the implications of red food dye on children's insulin levels.
"Who did that?!," barked Mrs. Slane.
I ran and hid beneath the jungle gym, completely mortified.
It wasn't that I was afraid of getting a timeout if my identity was revealed — I would have escaped my punishment with swift nepotism. Instead, I feared that I would never receive a famous "Debby Hug" again.
Debby's stellar height is obvious in plain sight, but more notable is the length of her arms. They measure the perfect circumference to wrap around a child in need of love, plus a little bit more.
Though she can yank out a loose tooth in a blink of an eye with her bare hands and skimpy piece of yarn, Debby fills the whistling void between your gums with an embrace strong enough to doubly mend your heart.
Debby just retired at the end of twenty-three years of working for my mom's preschool and Kindergarten. I praise her for enduring my mother for that long, as I was planning to trade her in for an artisanal cheese set at a PTA Tricky Tray by the time that I reached thirty.
"Big Momma", The Beanstalk Academy will miss your remarkable presence and early precipitation warnings from your vantage point. However, it is undeniably your hugs that we will miss the most.
Here is to all of the world's greatest embracers;
for you are the hardest to let go.
Congratulations Debby! Have a margarita on me, plus one for every year of acting as a sounding board to Lisa Lardiere.
Check out this vid from my mom's graduation/Debby's final shebang.
Their costumes and decorations are pretty much the coolest thing ever. Now, I wonder where she received such magnificent camera training....