Black Olive Tapenade for Genni

Black Olive Tapenade for Genni


There are the "Mia's" of the world who overanalyze everything and accomplish nothing, and then there are the "Genni's".

Genni's are incarnations of the information girl Emoji who conquer the world with a spontaneous flick of the wrist. They are megaliths unwittingly disguised as a surfer chick though far removed from a semblance of the beach. 

In which @i_love_you_gennay told a customer that she's leaving for Dubai and WE ALL F*CKING WON. 💃🏻💰💃

A photo posted by Mia Lardiere (@theoliveeye) on

I met my Genni through waitressing together at Café Pierrot, a small bistro in Sparta, New Jersey. Through nights serving soup to trophy wives armed with their absent husband's Black Card, I developed a girl crush on her effervescent and effortless essence. 

I watched in awe as she shouldered our fifty-pound specials billboard on her back across the parking lot. I cheered silently as she loosened her sweaty shoes, announcing that her date would "just have to deal with it". 

Genni recently abandoned our crew to become an airline hostess in Dubai. The only time that I accepted this fact was when a regular dropped a stack in our tip jar as a going away present for her final day. However, we press on, forging through closing clean-up hour blasting Beyoncé at sacrilegious decibels for a cafe setting in her memory.

When I find myself overwhelmed with a bread basket full of task-ridden anxieties, I stop and think,

"What would Genni do?"

And then I think,

"She wouldn't think, you numbnuts."

She would forego the haste of talking to herself and just do what needed to be done.

Black olive tapenade is a recipe that you can just do. All you need are a half pound of black olives (approximately a can and a half of the pitted store bought variety), two anchovy fillets, one peeled clove of garlic, two tablespoons of drained capers, a tablespoon of fresh lemon juice, a teaspoon of chopped sage or thyme, and one teaspoon of Dijon mustard. Put it all in a food processor and blend until thoroughly combined. 

You can substitute black olives with green or kalamata olives, but consider it heresy of the Olive Eye community. Omit the mustard if you are a wimp, or swap in horseradish if you are a thrill-seeking freak.

Serve your tapenade immediately on a prosciutto and arugula sandwich between salty slices of rosemary focaccia. It can stay sealed in the fridge for up to two weeks.

Send wishes of luck and continued life-nailing to your Genni as sink your teeth in to this savory delight.

Learn how to make Black Olive Tapenade on this episode of my Snapchat cooking show, "Make It Snappy."

Analyze & Discuss:

Are you a more of a "Mia" or are you a "Genni"? 

You can be a Genni. I wouldn't be mad. We did not choose this life.

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