Mia's H0T MiX <3

Mia's H0T MiX <3

In the spirit of Spring I started to clean my closet until coming across a delightful throwback surprise:

A CD labeled "MiA'S H0T MiX!" in all caps and numerics,
barring deliberately chosen i's for aesthetic purposes.


This heavily influenced 50 Cent playlist was my sonical contribution to my eighth grade dance, the last chance to prove that I was Gifted and Talented in getting down with my bad self.

If this photo documentation is not enough to convince you that I 1,2 Stepped into the hearts of my peers, allow me to put puberty into practice with...

The Olive Eye's Guide to Nailing Your School Dance Like A Lifestyle Amateur.

A pre-dance portrait.&nbsp;The excitement is palpable.

A pre-dance portrait. The excitement is palpable.

Before we begin, let us set the mood with the tracks that inspired this middle school manual with the featured playlist that I replicated for you on my YouTube Channel:

Perf. now let's get hot.

Step One:

Unload from your mom's Mazerati-rati, slamming the sliding minivan door shut before embarrassing you with any further questions.

Step Two:

Head straight to the bathroom and Lose Yourself in a pre-dance meditation as you apply eye shadow from a professional makeup palette from Claire's.

Step Three:

Humbly suggest that Mista DJ *turn de music up* as you head out to the dance floor with BFF's to baby Ri-Ri's Pon De Replay.

Step Four:

Tell the truth of your undeveloped hips, mumbling along to Shakira's La Tortura in an incomprehensible dialect of Spanish.

Step Five: 

As Class President, avoid disapproving glances of parent and teacher chaperones when Grind On Me comes on queue because although they don't fully understand the concept of 'grinding', the news claims that it's number one cause of teen pregnancy. 

Step Six:

When Petey Pablo inquires, "What's Your Fantasy?", consider realistic goals like not remaining conscious during Monday's audition for the coveted saxophone solo. 

Step Seven:

Stare longingly at your bad boy crush as he slow dances with the popular girl to Only One.

Step Eight: 

Feed your feelings at the chip bowl buffet, commiserating in Rob Thomas's desires to be Lonely No More.

A Healthy Sax Education.

A Healthy Sax Education.

Step Nine:

Chase the bitter angst of When I'm Gone with a handful of chocolate donut hole Pop'Ems.

Step Ten: 

Listen To Your Heart and return to the dance floor to Go Bananza letting your Freek-A-Leek flag fly (Just A Lil Bit) because chances are, your crush will either be a baby daddy or in jail come sophomore year of high school.

Analyze & Discuss:

What *is* your fanta-tasy?

Basic Roasted Chicken

Basic Roasted Chicken

My Ma's Eggplant Parm

My Ma's Eggplant Parm