Yesterday I turned 24-years-old.
Frankly, I could be conceived as wildly unsuccessful for my age based on the standards of prior generations and other cultures who take pride in a woman’s domestic life. Finding a significant significant other feels just about as impossible of a feat as battling a unicorn on the back of a Triceratops with a styrofoam pool noodle, and I’m convinced that my uterus has gone on sabbatical as a result for an unmarked period of time.
Still, it wasn't the worst birthday ever! My worst celebration dates back to my plumper years when my parents decided to entertain themselves by providing me with a Jazzercise party.
(I recovered my image by inhaling a box of pizza immediately after, but I digress.)
In fact, 24 really great things happened to me yesterday and I think that you will happen to agree that I am truly #blessed given this following evidence. This is how November the 19th went.
1. Wakes with Blackstreet’s “No Diggity” stuck in my head
2. Has a 5 A.M. dance party to “No Diggity” while getting ready for work, only to be interrupted by my dog hunting a mouse(?) trapped under my radiator.
3. Learns that my father aspires to host a credit union podcast on ride to train station.
5. Starbucks barista does not comprehend my free birthday order of a cortado with an extra shot and decides, without my counsel, that an americano is an adequate substitution because it sounds just as ethnic.
6. Finds chia seed stuck in Invisalign.
7. Gets closure on live-in rodent situation:
8. Plants subconscious seed in mother’s brain that I am the better child because my existence did not require an epidural.
9. Receives first press gift:
10. Receives glowing feedback on my Twitter chronicles:
11. Sister gifts me with everything I was afraid to ask for:
12. Data breach:
13. Receives birthday wishes from medical credit card company to whom I owe six months of payment to correct my teeth (for a second time):
14. Makes this GIF:
15. Treats self to lunch on a whim, forgets umbrella.
16. Torrential rain en route.
17. Receives Jewish husband holiday bait in the form of an ugly Hanukkah sweater from The Night Before featuring Seth Rogen and Jonathan Gordon-Levitt after covering it's NY screening two days prior. Thanks, Tipsy Elves!
18. Is treated to coffee by co-workers.
19. Has successful meeting with HR despite personal jumpsuit concerns.
20. Is treated to rosé by co-workers.
21. Misses early train home.
22. Meets parents for dinner despite Adele's '25' CD waiting home on my doorstep.
24. Comes home. Learns that a mouse was indeed in my house. (May he rest in peace).
As an added bonus, appropriately ringing in at 25, I made myself this because I am my own muse: