The Olive Appendix

The Olive Appendix

Due to An UNCONVENTIONAL personal vocabularY made up of invented words and Old-World colloquialisms,

It has been brought to my attention (on several an occasion) that the general population has difficulty understanding what the hell I’m trying to say.

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To assist you in reading my memewars (keep reading), allow me to present:

THE OLIVE APPENDIX:

A Beginner's Guide In Twisted Terminology

 
APpendix.jpg
 

(Updated regularly, or upon special request)


Bed Chocolate

 

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proper noun \bed-chok-let\
Chocolate eaten in bed to affirm that everything will be okay. Often paired with Night Cheese.

 

USED IN CONTEXT:

"A bad night turned into a worse morning when I woke up with Bed Chocolate stains on my sheets."


BRAIN NUGGETS

Decoupage

plural noun \brain-nuh-gets\
A golden-brown collection of lightly baked, amorphous ideas.

noun \day-coo-pahj\
The craft of decorating objects with paper cut-outs and lacquer adhesive.

USED IN CONTEXT:

"After watching that TED Talk on making up words, I have too many brain nuggets and not enough dipping sauce."

USED IN CONTEXT:

"Found some old NSYNC albums when I was cleaning, so I cut out the covers and made a decoupaged Lance Bass bust."


Hors d'oeuvres

noun \aw-derv\
Little snacks served before a meal to hold you over while the host gets his or her sh*t together in the kitchen.

HUMAN BEAN

noun \hew-man-been\
A delicate subset of freshly-sprouted human beings rich in fiber and vegetarian protein. See Related: The Magical Fruit

USED IN CONTEXT:

"Is something burning? Ooh! Look- mini grilled cheese sandwiches are out on the hors d'oeuvres table!"

USED IN CONTEXT:

"Forgive my financial ignorance- I'm only a human bean."


Malamute

noun \mal-uh-mute\
A breed of Alaskan puffball that will one day be mine, and affectionately named 'Mother'.

USED IN CONTEXT:

LOOK AT THIS MALAMUTE PUPPY SPLASHING ITS WATER ALL OVER THE PLACE.

 
 
 

Don't spill it all, girl! It's important to stay hydrated!!!!


Meme-oirs

noun \meem-warz\
Nascent memoirs of a Twenty-Nothing.

METCH

noun \mehtch\
The masculine version of ''betch'.

USED IN CONTEXT:

"Justin Bieber's memeoir will be the Foreword of his midlife crisis romance novel, financed by prenup money after a messy divorce from Usher."

USED IN CONTEXT:

"He stopped calling me a 'Pinterest Betch' when I caught him in a metch moment watching The Bachelor on Hulu."


Mise-en-place

noun \meez-on-plas\
A French phrase meaning 'put in place' used in culinary lingo to describe the process of preparing all components of a recipe before cooking.

USED IN CONTEXT:

"Substituted Cheese Whiz into my gourmet mac & cheese because the orange powder spilled all over while preparing my mise-en-place.

#TIFU."


NAMASTE

informal exclamation \nah-mah-stay\
An ancient Sanskrit greeting used in yoga upon arrival or departure.

Pied-a-terre

noun \pee-yed-uh-tare\
An extra metropolitan apartment that people with money keep handy for bragging rights and, sometimes, living.

USED IN CONTEXT:

"Namaste, dweeb. Did you realize that your yoga pants are translucent?"

USED IN CONTEXT:

"I would offer you a cocktail, but all of my booze money went to utilities bills for my Milan pied-a-terre."


#TIFU  

noun \tea-foo\
A hashtagged abbreviation of the phrase 'Thing(s )I F*cked Up' used to acknowledge the finer moments of our imperfect existence.

Used In Context:


Twenty-Nothing

proper(ish) noun \twehn-tee-nuh-thing\
Less than a twenty-something, more than neanderthal.

USED IN CONTEXT:

"I may be a twenty-nothing now, but watch out world...

 I'm just getting started."

 

ANALYZE & DISCUSS:

Which variety of bed chocolate wrapper would you use to decoupage the front cover of your memewars?

Carrot Muffcakes with Greek Yogurt Frosting

Carrot Muffcakes with Greek Yogurt Frosting

Get Like: Martha Stewart

Get Like: Martha Stewart